Skyfall
by minttulovesyou
Summary: When Blaine was ten, the sun fell through the roof of their too small house.


**a/n: i'm sorry, there might be a lot of mistakes, i'm tired and this is mostly just idk something like straight wordvomit from my brain. anyway ok **

* * *

_.june_

When Blaine was ten, the sun fell through the roof of their too small house.

He remembers the night clear as crystal, still, the blankets were dark blue and his parents were gone, and the sun fell through the roof onto the floor and climbed into his bed with wide eyes and messy hair, and by the time he fell asleep he was gone.

He thinks he can still see the burn marks on the floor and the ash of died flowers where they fell over the edge of being graceful, burned like candles and reminded Blaine that they're all going to die someday. It doesn't matter how beautiful the light is, if he's not careful he's going to fly too close to it someday, burn his wings and sink into the ocean, because bright things are only kind when you're beautiful, and not always even then, because Kurt keeps telling him that he's beautiful, but it still hurts when his fingertips brush against Blaine's.

He sits by his window, nowadays, looking out of his window but never directly at the sun, because over the years he has realized that maybe the sun is a part of him now, like Kurt is, because he's burning from the tips of his toes to the ends of his fingers. Blaine closes his eyes, counts to ten, and when he opens his eyes the burn is always gone.

He's not sure if Kurt's the sun or only a part of the sun, has never asked, because it's enough to know that if he looked at the sun he'd see blue eyes and pink lips.

Kurt says they're not supposed to be like this._ Like what_, Blaine itches to ask but never does because he's afraid of the answer, but Kurt knows every time and just looks at him with a sad smile. _"You know exactly what I'm talking about_", he says and disappears with the rays of sunlight.

He supposes it's meant to be that way, the sun is only supposed to live as faint lines of sorrow on the tips of his eyelashes when it rains, Blaine is supposed to forget and keep living because touching sun is only going to burn him, but somehow he can't forget the night the sun had blue eyes and looked like a boy.

* * *

_.july_

It seems like the sun keeps on falling.

Kurt says that it's because it is, and Blaine nods because he doesn't know what it means, doesn't want to know because Kurt's voice is so sad, and even though there's barely an inch between their bodies it hurts not to hold Kurt. He knows it would hurt even more if he did, so he doesn't.

It's easy to pretend, sometimes, when they're not scared and sad and crying, because Kurt is the sun and the moon and the stars in his eyes and Blaine doesn't want to let go.

"I'm not supposed to love anyone", Kurt says, looks away and sighs, and Blaine's heart does something weird because does this mean that Kurt loves him?  
"No-one knows what happens if I fell in love with someone", he says, and his voice is almost absent, but Blaine catches the words and swallows them like he swallowed the moon.

"The sun might fall again".

It isn't until hours after that Blaine realizes what it means, because now the sun is bigger and more powerful and the earth is only a fly on the map of infinity, and this time a falling sun could burn more than a bunch of flowers.

* * *

_.august_

The warm, long days are long gone by the 30th of August, and the days are getting shorter, and Kurt looks more and more tired every day.

"I wish you were a human", Blaine thinks as he traces the lines of Kurt's bottom lip (the burn is not as intense as it usually is - it's almost fall and he's getting weaker), and Kurt nods against his hand.  
"I know", he whispers, and his breath sends sharp little tingles along the length of Blaine's arm, and it takes everything to not kiss him.

He still has to wait.

The sun is getting weaker, evening out earlier and earlier, and their time together is getting shorter and shorter, and Blaine knows that by December he'll hardly be able to see him. He'll be able to hold him, then, though, the burn easier to bear and his body and mind willing to take the pain, because he's just as much of the sun as Kurt is but that part of him is still hidden.

Because Blaine is Icarus and Kurt is the sun, and they fly by each other like parallel lines.

* * *

_.september _

The first time Kurt told him he loved him was when they were thirteen.

It's not something that was supposed to happen - Kurt had told him enough times what it would mean, what would happen, and Blaine had solemnly swore that he'd never say it, even when his heart felt like it was about to burst through his chest - but in the warm privacy in Blaine's bed under the sheets Kurt had held Blaine's hand and said_ I love you._

Blaine still looks back at it, not sure if he regrets it or not, but what happened that day back then when love was easy and light is not good, the sun started to slowly die that day, because the sun's son is not supposed to love anyone.

Still, when they sleep stolen sleep with Blaine's chest against Kurt's back and he's so beautiful in the light of setting sun, Blaine can't really bring himself to care.

Because until the night comes and the weight of the world falls straight on his shoulders, he has Kurt and Kurt only.

* * *

_.october_

It's their fault.

Blaine knows it, doesn't even try to fight it, the sun keeps falling and Kurt forgets to breathe sometimes and it's scary, but it doesn't keep them from kissing on the abandoned hallways when it doesn't hurt too much, and it feels so good to have Kurt's fingers grasping his shirt, like his life depends on it, and maybe it's selfish and cruel but Blaine wishes that Kurt could just stay there forever.

So, when Blaine wakes up one morning and Kurt's already there, his back towards him and eyes fixed on the rising sun, he knows, or at least thinks he does. The sun is black and blue and purple like the hickey on the side of Kurt's neck, and Blaine swears that it's not going to happen again, but by the time his parents leave for work he's got Kurt underneath him on the bed with dark blue blankets.

And one day, when the sun is lower than ever, he tells him he loves him, crawls out of the bed to make coffee, and when he's back Kurt is gone.

Because that's the way it should be and Blaine wonders bitterly why it was different with him.

* * *

_.november_

"I have to go back", he says, and Blaine just hums into Kurt's chest, so warm and alive because he always goes back with the last rays of sunlight.

"Blaine", he says then, softer, after a short silence. "This has to stop. I have to go back. I'm not coming back", and then it hits him, like a ten ton rock and oh god he can't lose him, please, not after the almost six years they've been through together -

"_Blaine_", he says, and there's a stern edge on his voice. "Breathe". So he does. Long, deep breathes, air filling his lungs and oxygen flowing to his heart with the sorrow and panic, and he grasps at Kurt's shirt tighter.

"The sun is almost down - Blaine, we can't keep doing this, you know what happens if we keep on doing this - oh, Blaine..."

"Please stay", he whimpers, voice tired and delicate, because Kurt is his _everything,_ even more so than he's anyone else's, because to him he's not just the sun but the boy with dreams of his own and blue eyes with dark flames, and he can't bear the thought of losing him.

"Please".

So Kurt does.

* * *

_.december_

One day, in the middle of December, Kurt appears to Blaine's bed with messy hair and wild eyes.

"It's getting worse", he says, not even bothering with the hello's because they're past that, panic in his eyes and fingers and heart, and he keeps trembling all the way to his hair, and Blaine doesn't dare to touch him.

There's no way over this now, they both know it, and when Kurt finally breaks Blaine wraps his arms around him and lets him cry, because that's what he needs and that's what Blaine needs, and they both cry until they're too exhausted to cry anymore.  
"You know that I love you, right?", Kurt asks, and his voice breaks a little at the word "love" because it's not meant to exist, _Kurt's_ not meant to exist, it's supposed to be the son and the son of the sun, no Kurt or love or a human form for the sun and the universe, but there he is, and Blaine holds onto him tighter when he shakes.

"I love you so much", Blaine answers, means it with all his heart and wishes that he would never have to let go, but does eventually when Kurt's breathing evens out and he feels like falling asleep too -

"I'm so sorry", Kurt whispers when he thinks Blaine doesn't hear, and when he kisses the top of Blaine's head before disappearing, Blaine thinks that he knows what it feels like when a heart breaks.

* * *

_.january_

Another year, Blaine thinks, tries hard not to sink but it's so difficult when Kurt's not there.

Blaine is not sure what will happen, how it will happen, when it will happen, but he's learned to read the colors of twilight and he knows that the moon is sinking with him and something in the way the birds sing he knows it all will end.

Kurt has been gone for a month now, and Blaine wants to think that it will all be okay, tries not to think that it will all be over and it will all be his fault, but it doesn't work that way. Kurt's gone and without the burning pressure of his hand over his heart he can't breathe, no matter how suffocating living with him is, and all Blaine wants right now is Kurt.

But he's trying to make everything better, trying to fix the harm they've done, and Blaine can't really stop him when all he's done is bad and sin and he's going to die anyway.

But, one day there's a pigeon in his garden, and when he goes to pick it up, it's eyes are blue and it's feathers are whiter than the sea foam, save for the crimson on the chest just where the heart is and Blaine just knows, and it doesn't make it any easier.

Because the pigeon's eyes scream "please remember that I love you", just as desperate as Blaine's hear, and it keeps on getting brighter and brighter until it turns into ash,

and the sun explodes.

* * *

_.february_

The ground is covered in ash and broken glass.

It's kind of ironic, really. Out of all the good people, it's Blaine who danced out of the reach of death as easily as he had in his dreams, and even though he has no shoes and he has deep cuts on his feet it doesn't really hurt.

There is no sun, he notices. No light, only reflections of the stars and the moon, and somehow he knows it's because Kurt's there with him.  
"Courage", he whispers to himself, and Kurt is there, in the soft wind around him, in the black sky above him, but most of all, inside of him in the small piece of light he left there when they were both too young to understand that light can be just as scary as the darkness.

There are millions of voices in the end of the world, but it's Kurt's voice he follows.


End file.
